Communication activities in the form of consultations and psychocorrective classes on the topic: "War in the rear: how to preserve marital relations in the families of military servicemen" were held on the basis of the "TMO of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine for the Kirovohrad region"

Russia's full-scale war against Ukraine radically changed the lives of all Ukrainians. The events that have been taking place in recent months have affected all areas of people's lives, including relationships. Despite the fact that in the conditions of war people need unity and support, many people's relationships, including marital ones, began to collapse. We tried to understand the problem "Why do people separate during war?" and find ways and solutions for military families.

In today's realities, people in many families do not have enough resources for feelings. Love is a verb! In stressful conditions, it becomes difficult to show this feeling, to do small and big good deeds for your other half. Because of "bare nerves", when inside everything "jumps like a string", and the situation of uncertainty or immediate danger goes on and on. Life has changed, and now a lot of energy and time is spent on the organization of basic household items, and the resource is simply not enough for relationships. It seems that there are "more important things" and the "rest" will wait until victory.

This is especially acutely felt by couples in which the husband is currently serving, and the wife is at home with children or abroad. There are several reasons.

Value priorities. They are now arranged differently. During the war, it becomes more clear what is important and what is secondary in life. Things that we did not even think about in peacetime begin to be appreciated. It may happen that these are different things for married partners and there are no points of contact now.
Truth. Experiencing war makes everyone as honest as possible, who we really are and sometimes it's not the truth we want to know about our partner. Therefore, it is possible to divorce and build a relationship with someone who has similar beliefs and values.
Stress. Different reactions to stress can also destroy relationships. Someone's level of anxiety has barely increased, and another person is already panicking. Someone thinks how to get to a safe place faster, while someone prepares for protection. Different reactions sometimes prevent spouses from uniting, rallying, and supporting each other in order to survive these difficult times together. Everyone is left alone with himself and this naturally leads to a gradual break in the relationship.
Malice. Negative emotions appear in the couple, which are not directed at the enemy (aggressor), but at each other. Scandals with such partners become a regular activity. This should be avoided.
Fear. A woman often broadcasts fear. It's about the phrases: "I'm scared!", "I'm in a panic," "Don't go anywhere, stay with me." Such a feeling of fear is transmitted to a man. When the rear is worried, the front does not feel confident. It is important to understand that everyone is afraid, not to emphasize, but to try to cope with your emotions and not transfer them to your partner.
Feeling guilty. When a woman complains: "You went to war, and I didn't," "You're cold and have no food, but I'm fine," "So that we're equal, I'll blame myself." Such psychological blows are sometimes more painful than physical ones. It weakens a woman and negatively affects a man.
Pity is a destructive emotion! "You are a poor thing! How will you be there? I'm so sorry for you!" - forget these phrases! If a woman addresses a man in this way, then his inner strength automatically weakens.
In this difficult time, it is especially important for women to support men and vice versa.

We've put together some tips based on the knowledge of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy on how to best do this.

Routine. Women in the rear must continue to do the usual things: prepare food, clean, go to work, take care of children. If a man knows that there is this stability at home, it becomes easier for him and it is easier for the woman. Discipline gives a sense of peace to both.
Understanding that the rear is important. There is no need to devalue your actions and deeds. On the contrary, create maximum comfort and coziness! There must be words, hugs, calls, intimacy, prayers, charms with your own hand. This is a huge support that women give to men.
"You are important to me!" Try to create a space where a man feels needed and important. Tell him directly!
"I'm waiting for you!" If a man is at the front, it is important to give him the feeling that you love him and wait for him, that he is your only one. If possible, always be in contact, talk, do not be stingy with warm words of love and support. To send a photo is one thing, but to write from the heart, to talk about various topics, not only about the war, is quite another. It is very important.
Simple important phrases. "Good morning, Sun and have a quiet day!"; "Sweet dreams to you, see you tomorrow!" able to warm the soul and maintain the flame of hope that will warm in the cold, will help overcome a sleepless night so that in the morning you have the strength to face the enemy.
Dark times often help to see bright people, to understand oneself, to find resources to live, love and win for the sake of family and native land.